10:09 AM
Dorkvahkiin
Opening Thoughts
The last time I was on television I was cutting a promo for All Star Weekend’s State Penn Match however I got a little pressed for time and I didn’t get to say what I wanted to say. Hell I wasn’t even aware I was going to be in the match until the day before the PWE wanted me to cut the damn promo so I believe I delivered pretty well under pressure just like I always do. The State Penn match really doesn’t concern me though and I’m also kind of puzzled as to why I’m even in the fuckin thing, do I really need to remind people, PWE UNIVERSAL CHAMPION!!!!!! The fuck I need a mutha fuckin golden ticket for? Ain’t no mutha fuckin Will Wonka around here, the only person who spends time in other peoples chochlate factories in this fed is J-Dub, don’t put too much thought into that because you won’t like the images that pop into your head. MY NAME IS K MUTHA FUCKIN MONEY! I’m not Tsukino Meiou or Shawn Christopher, who can only get title shots by winning some cluster fuck matches. Even if HHH were to miraculously find some skills on the way to the ring for our Universal Title match at All Star Weekend and beat me, I would have no problem getting another tile shot. So was there really a reason for me to be in the State Penn match, nope, just another way for the PWE to use my name to sell a few more tickets.
Part 1 – Desire
Our scene opens as we see a very young K-Money walking down the streets of Detroit. This young K-Money barely even resembles the cocky, money hungry, blingadoshis K-Money that we see today. This younger K-Money is wearing a Big Daddy Kane T-shirt with some baggy khaki pants and he has on a backpack. As the younger K-Money makes his way home from school he looks in the windows of the local shops and imagines how awesome it would be if his mother (aunt) could afford to buy him that brand new Detroit Lions jacket that just came out, that brand new television for him to put in my room, or even something as simple as the new Rakim CD. As much as he imagines those things he knows he shouldn’t even ask his mother (aunt) for any of them. His mother (aunt) works non-stop to keep a roof over his head and food on the table. Even though they could qualify for a few she doesn’t believe in government handouts, she has too much pride for that. See, she believes that everything you need you can get with hard work and a strong belief in the lord above. Even with young K-Money knowing all that as he looks into shop window after shop window he finally sees something that makes him stop dead in his tracks. K-Money just stands there starring into a shop window looking at something that will make you run faster, it will make you jump higher, it will even give you a better jump shot, all in all it will make you be like Mike. Of course the thing I'm talking about is a pair of Air Jordans, the first pair ever to hit the shelves to be exact. The shoes peer out of the shop window at K-Money practically begging him to take them home. The Jordans are white and red with a big black nike check along with black shoe strings. They are Chicago Bulls’ colors and he is a Detroit Pistons fans but seriously who doesn't idolize Michael Jordan? K-Money finally gets his fill of gazing at the oh so sexy shoes that sit before him and begins to sprint home to beg like I he has never begged before. The cameras follow as K-Money quickly navigates the treacherous Detroit streets, he jukes to the left avoiding a bum begging for change, he spins to the right making a crack head break his ankles as he tries to grab K-Money’s back pack, a drug dealer comes out of nowhere trying to shove a vile of crack in K-Money’s face and gets a stiff arm for his trouble, oh no, whats that? A prostitute, TRUCK STICK…..TOUCHDOWN K-MONEY! Huh? Was I just playing Madden? Anyway, as always K-Money avoids all the perils the Detroit streets have to offer and makes it home without a scratch on him. K-Money kicks off his shoes at the front door to avoid a tongue lashing from his mother and chucks his backpack onto the living room recliner before calling out for his mother (aunt).
K-Money: MOOOOOOOOOM
Mom:YES
The yell comes from the kitchen and upon determining his mother’s whereabouts K-Money quickly makes his way to the kitchen and clears his throat in order to produce his best loving child voice.
K-Money: Mom, you know I love you right?
Mom: I love you too Kris, now how much is it?
K-Money: What do you mean mom? I just wanted to tell you that I love you.
Mom: So you’re not going to ask me to buy you anything?
K-Money: Well I did see one thing that I wanted more than anything I’ve ever wanted in my entire life, does that count?
Mom: Boy you sure know how to lay it on thick don’t ya? So what is it that you want more than anything else you’ve ever wanted?
K-Money: Oh nothing much, just those new Air Jordans I saw on my way home.
Mom: AIR JORDANS! No way Kris, those shoes are expensive and I don’t have that much money to waste on a pair of shoes.
K-Money: But mooooooom….
Mom: Don’t but mom me, you want those shoes then you can work for them and buy them yourself
K-Money: That’ll take forever….
Mom: Well if you want them as much as you say you do then you’ll still want them when you’ve got enough to buy them. Now I can make some phone calls to the neighbors and see if they have anything that you can do around the house to earn some money or you can forget about getting those shoes.
K-Money: Fine…. make the calls.
With that our cameras fade to black
Part 2 – Disappointment
I worked all summer to get enough money to buy those shoes but I was finally able to afford them, I bought them and immediately headed down to the basketball court. Once I hit the court I found out that no they didn’t make you faster, no they didn’t make you jump higher, no they didn’t help your jump shot, NO THEY DIDN’T MAKE YOU LIKE MIKE! I was the same as I was before, now I just had expensive shoes on my feet which made me a target. The week I bought the shoes I got into three fights because assholes wanted to take them instead of working for their own, the shoes I had worked so hard for didn’t change a thing and actually made life harder for me instead of easier. I ended up tossing the shoes into my closet for safe keeping and only wearing them on special occasions but every time I put them on they reminded me that things aren’t always as great as they appear to be. Now why the fuck did I feel the need to share that little life lesson with the PWE audience? Well it wasn’t as much for the PWE audience as it was for my opponent at All Star Weekend, Hawaiian Hardhead. See Hawaiian Hardhead right now you’re me when I wanted the Air Jordans except your Air Jordans are the PWE Universal Title. See HHH you want the PWE Universal Title because you think it’s going to make you better than you already are, you think it’s going to earn you respect, and you think you need the PWE Universal Title. WAKE THE FUCK UP MAN!
Just like with my Jordans, things aren’t always what they appear to be. Trust me HHH, winning the Universal Champion won’t change a damn thing and you can bank on that. Yeah, since winning the Universal Champion I’ve been walking around the PWE like I own the place but I did that BEFORE I won the Universal Title too. All of this basically goes back to what I’ve said about title belts my entire career; the title doesn’t make the champion, THE CHAMPION MAKES THE TITLE. Title or no title when people step into the ring with K-Money they know up front that if they even want to think about winning they are going to have to step the fuck up and bring their A game, even then that still might not be enough to walk out with a win. So HHH you consider yourself a good wrestler, that’s fine, I’ll agree with that, you are a good wrestler but tell me this HHH, are you a GREAT wrestler? No you aren’t and I’m pretty sure that even you’ll agree with that so I’ll tell you same thing that I’ve told you from the beginning, YOU’RE NOT READY!
You’re the first wrestler in PWE history to win a State Penn match and The Road To Glory Tournament but who did you beat HHH? In match one you were set to face Tomoko, she pulled out of the match due to injury, had she competed you wouldn’t have won the Road To Glory because you wouldn’t have made it through the first match. Next up it was you against Masaharu Tanabashi and Tsukino Meiou, saying that defeating these guys is nothing special would be the understatement of the century. Both Tanabashi and Meiou are basically the Centurions of the PWE, neither one is considered great or even good but they rack up title wins because they are always here. When you stick around long enough you’re eventually going to luck up and win a title like Tanabashi did against Lee Stone or like how that worm Meiou was there to jump on me for the pin after Tomoko put a hurting on me in the Dome Of Doom. Other than those two fluke championships what have these two ass clowns done in the PWE, well they’ve lost, they’ve lost, OH AND THEY’VE LOST! So to recap in the first match of Road To Glory you got a free pass, in the second match you advanced by beating a couple of losers, so far I’m not impressed HHH. In the next match you got saddled with Trent Taylor who was some kind of big shot back when C2 was running ICE but to tell you the truth I never heard of the mutha fucka until he was in the Road To Glory Tournament and I wasn’t impressed with what he did in the tournament or what he’s done since then which is a whole lot of NOTHING! So HHH with your entire Road To Glory Tournament basically being a cakewalk surely you faced a great wrestler in the finals right? Oh that’s right, you faced Cross, way to go HHH remind kneel before you and kiss your fuckin ring the next time I see you because only a wrestling god could ever hope to defeat the awesomeness that is Cross. GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!
Cross is in the same position you are HHH, he’s good I’ll give him that but he’s far from great. In all honesty HHH you did earn a shot at the PWE Universal Title and I can’t take that away from you but honestly all you had to do to win was show up. There was really no challenge involved in you winning at Road To Glory at all and if you disagree with that then you’re just reinforcing my point, YOU’RE NOT READY! For you to even break a sweat going up against the fucktards you’ve been wrestling is a complete embarrassment and making the jump from wrestling them to wrestling me is like trying to jump the Grand Canyon. Have you seen what happens to boxers that fight a bunch of nobodies and then try to jump into the main event scene, it never turns out well HHH, NEVER. The same thing goes for wrestlers, you fight nobodies and I fight main eventers AND MAKE EM LOOK LIKE NOBODIES! HHH I guess that should make you feel better because once I crush you at All Star Weekend you’ll end up looking like everybody else, just another nobody on a long list of nobodies.
The last time I was on television I was cutting a promo for All Star Weekend’s State Penn Match however I got a little pressed for time and I didn’t get to say what I wanted to say. Hell I wasn’t even aware I was going to be in the match until the day before the PWE wanted me to cut the damn promo so I believe I delivered pretty well under pressure just like I always do. The State Penn match really doesn’t concern me though and I’m also kind of puzzled as to why I’m even in the fuckin thing, do I really need to remind people, PWE UNIVERSAL CHAMPION!!!!!! The fuck I need a mutha fuckin golden ticket for? Ain’t no mutha fuckin Will Wonka around here, the only person who spends time in other peoples chochlate factories in this fed is J-Dub, don’t put too much thought into that because you won’t like the images that pop into your head. MY NAME IS K MUTHA FUCKIN MONEY! I’m not Tsukino Meiou or Shawn Christopher, who can only get title shots by winning some cluster fuck matches. Even if HHH were to miraculously find some skills on the way to the ring for our Universal Title match at All Star Weekend and beat me, I would have no problem getting another tile shot. So was there really a reason for me to be in the State Penn match, nope, just another way for the PWE to use my name to sell a few more tickets.
Part 1 – Desire
Our scene opens as we see a very young K-Money walking down the streets of Detroit. This young K-Money barely even resembles the cocky, money hungry, blingadoshis K-Money that we see today. This younger K-Money is wearing a Big Daddy Kane T-shirt with some baggy khaki pants and he has on a backpack. As the younger K-Money makes his way home from school he looks in the windows of the local shops and imagines how awesome it would be if his mother (aunt) could afford to buy him that brand new Detroit Lions jacket that just came out, that brand new television for him to put in my room, or even something as simple as the new Rakim CD. As much as he imagines those things he knows he shouldn’t even ask his mother (aunt) for any of them. His mother (aunt) works non-stop to keep a roof over his head and food on the table. Even though they could qualify for a few she doesn’t believe in government handouts, she has too much pride for that. See, she believes that everything you need you can get with hard work and a strong belief in the lord above. Even with young K-Money knowing all that as he looks into shop window after shop window he finally sees something that makes him stop dead in his tracks. K-Money just stands there starring into a shop window looking at something that will make you run faster, it will make you jump higher, it will even give you a better jump shot, all in all it will make you be like Mike. Of course the thing I'm talking about is a pair of Air Jordans, the first pair ever to hit the shelves to be exact. The shoes peer out of the shop window at K-Money practically begging him to take them home. The Jordans are white and red with a big black nike check along with black shoe strings. They are Chicago Bulls’ colors and he is a Detroit Pistons fans but seriously who doesn't idolize Michael Jordan? K-Money finally gets his fill of gazing at the oh so sexy shoes that sit before him and begins to sprint home to beg like I he has never begged before. The cameras follow as K-Money quickly navigates the treacherous Detroit streets, he jukes to the left avoiding a bum begging for change, he spins to the right making a crack head break his ankles as he tries to grab K-Money’s back pack, a drug dealer comes out of nowhere trying to shove a vile of crack in K-Money’s face and gets a stiff arm for his trouble, oh no, whats that? A prostitute, TRUCK STICK…..TOUCHDOWN K-MONEY! Huh? Was I just playing Madden? Anyway, as always K-Money avoids all the perils the Detroit streets have to offer and makes it home without a scratch on him. K-Money kicks off his shoes at the front door to avoid a tongue lashing from his mother and chucks his backpack onto the living room recliner before calling out for his mother (aunt).
K-Money: MOOOOOOOOOM
Mom:YES
The yell comes from the kitchen and upon determining his mother’s whereabouts K-Money quickly makes his way to the kitchen and clears his throat in order to produce his best loving child voice.
K-Money: Mom, you know I love you right?
Mom: I love you too Kris, now how much is it?
K-Money: What do you mean mom? I just wanted to tell you that I love you.
Mom: So you’re not going to ask me to buy you anything?
K-Money: Well I did see one thing that I wanted more than anything I’ve ever wanted in my entire life, does that count?
Mom: Boy you sure know how to lay it on thick don’t ya? So what is it that you want more than anything else you’ve ever wanted?
K-Money: Oh nothing much, just those new Air Jordans I saw on my way home.
Mom: AIR JORDANS! No way Kris, those shoes are expensive and I don’t have that much money to waste on a pair of shoes.
K-Money: But mooooooom….
Mom: Don’t but mom me, you want those shoes then you can work for them and buy them yourself
K-Money: That’ll take forever….
Mom: Well if you want them as much as you say you do then you’ll still want them when you’ve got enough to buy them. Now I can make some phone calls to the neighbors and see if they have anything that you can do around the house to earn some money or you can forget about getting those shoes.
K-Money: Fine…. make the calls.
With that our cameras fade to black
Part 2 – Disappointment
I worked all summer to get enough money to buy those shoes but I was finally able to afford them, I bought them and immediately headed down to the basketball court. Once I hit the court I found out that no they didn’t make you faster, no they didn’t make you jump higher, no they didn’t help your jump shot, NO THEY DIDN’T MAKE YOU LIKE MIKE! I was the same as I was before, now I just had expensive shoes on my feet which made me a target. The week I bought the shoes I got into three fights because assholes wanted to take them instead of working for their own, the shoes I had worked so hard for didn’t change a thing and actually made life harder for me instead of easier. I ended up tossing the shoes into my closet for safe keeping and only wearing them on special occasions but every time I put them on they reminded me that things aren’t always as great as they appear to be. Now why the fuck did I feel the need to share that little life lesson with the PWE audience? Well it wasn’t as much for the PWE audience as it was for my opponent at All Star Weekend, Hawaiian Hardhead. See Hawaiian Hardhead right now you’re me when I wanted the Air Jordans except your Air Jordans are the PWE Universal Title. See HHH you want the PWE Universal Title because you think it’s going to make you better than you already are, you think it’s going to earn you respect, and you think you need the PWE Universal Title. WAKE THE FUCK UP MAN!
Just like with my Jordans, things aren’t always what they appear to be. Trust me HHH, winning the Universal Champion won’t change a damn thing and you can bank on that. Yeah, since winning the Universal Champion I’ve been walking around the PWE like I own the place but I did that BEFORE I won the Universal Title too. All of this basically goes back to what I’ve said about title belts my entire career; the title doesn’t make the champion, THE CHAMPION MAKES THE TITLE. Title or no title when people step into the ring with K-Money they know up front that if they even want to think about winning they are going to have to step the fuck up and bring their A game, even then that still might not be enough to walk out with a win. So HHH you consider yourself a good wrestler, that’s fine, I’ll agree with that, you are a good wrestler but tell me this HHH, are you a GREAT wrestler? No you aren’t and I’m pretty sure that even you’ll agree with that so I’ll tell you same thing that I’ve told you from the beginning, YOU’RE NOT READY!
You’re the first wrestler in PWE history to win a State Penn match and The Road To Glory Tournament but who did you beat HHH? In match one you were set to face Tomoko, she pulled out of the match due to injury, had she competed you wouldn’t have won the Road To Glory because you wouldn’t have made it through the first match. Next up it was you against Masaharu Tanabashi and Tsukino Meiou, saying that defeating these guys is nothing special would be the understatement of the century. Both Tanabashi and Meiou are basically the Centurions of the PWE, neither one is considered great or even good but they rack up title wins because they are always here. When you stick around long enough you’re eventually going to luck up and win a title like Tanabashi did against Lee Stone or like how that worm Meiou was there to jump on me for the pin after Tomoko put a hurting on me in the Dome Of Doom. Other than those two fluke championships what have these two ass clowns done in the PWE, well they’ve lost, they’ve lost, OH AND THEY’VE LOST! So to recap in the first match of Road To Glory you got a free pass, in the second match you advanced by beating a couple of losers, so far I’m not impressed HHH. In the next match you got saddled with Trent Taylor who was some kind of big shot back when C2 was running ICE but to tell you the truth I never heard of the mutha fucka until he was in the Road To Glory Tournament and I wasn’t impressed with what he did in the tournament or what he’s done since then which is a whole lot of NOTHING! So HHH with your entire Road To Glory Tournament basically being a cakewalk surely you faced a great wrestler in the finals right? Oh that’s right, you faced Cross, way to go HHH remind kneel before you and kiss your fuckin ring the next time I see you because only a wrestling god could ever hope to defeat the awesomeness that is Cross. GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!
Cross is in the same position you are HHH, he’s good I’ll give him that but he’s far from great. In all honesty HHH you did earn a shot at the PWE Universal Title and I can’t take that away from you but honestly all you had to do to win was show up. There was really no challenge involved in you winning at Road To Glory at all and if you disagree with that then you’re just reinforcing my point, YOU’RE NOT READY! For you to even break a sweat going up against the fucktards you’ve been wrestling is a complete embarrassment and making the jump from wrestling them to wrestling me is like trying to jump the Grand Canyon. Have you seen what happens to boxers that fight a bunch of nobodies and then try to jump into the main event scene, it never turns out well HHH, NEVER. The same thing goes for wrestlers, you fight nobodies and I fight main eventers AND MAKE EM LOOK LIKE NOBODIES! HHH I guess that should make you feel better because once I crush you at All Star Weekend you’ll end up looking like everybody else, just another nobody on a long list of nobodies.
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