7:18 PM
Dorkvahkiin
----------------------- Commercial ---------------------
Our commercial opens as we see a teenage girl walk over and sit beside her mother on the couch.
Girl: Mom, do you ever feel unclean, you know, down there.
Mom: No honey, I stopped getting my period when I became anorexic once I gave birth to you. I had to get rid of all that pregnancy weight, thanks a lot.
Girl: WHAT?
Mom: Oh I’m just kidding honey, I know exactly how you feel and I’ve had those days where my vagina smells like the apocalypse. I tried Fabreeze, I tried bleach, I even tried a blow torch but nothing seemed to have an effect.
Girl: Well what did you do?
The mother reaches into her purse and hands the girl a box.
Mom: “X-Effect”
Girl: “X-Effect”?
Mom: That’s right, when nothing else has an effect, “X-Effect”! “X-Effect” succeeds where all other feminine deodorant fails because of its patent pending “fish be gone” technology. People will know that you have a vagina but at least they won’t be able to smell it!
We now cut to the girl coming out of the bathroom with the “X-Effect” in her hand, she looks into the camera and smiles.
Girl: Thanks “X-Effect”
Suddenly her mother comes up behind her and puts her arm around her.
Mom: NO REALLY, thank you “X-Effect”
Girl: Oh mom…
They both laugh as the screen goes black.
----------------------- End Commercial ---------------------
Opening Thoughts
I bet all of you thought that you were safe this time, you thought there was no way K-Money was going to be able to rip you to shreds with his brilliant commercials because of the limitations on promos nowadays. Well guess what, YOU WERE WRONG! That's right I just put them at the beginning of my promos like a fuckin youtube video, choke on that assholes. Or should I say asshole since I'm only concerned with one person right now, Brian Cady. I'm sure Cady thought that he'd be safe from K-Money's hate filled commercials of doom but yet again he was wrong. Honestly I figured my first promo would have gotten some sort of response out of Brian Cady but by not responding he answered the question that nobody knew I had asked. The question was "Brian Cady, Are You A Pussy?" and Cady's response? "HELL FUCKIN YEAH!" it's clear now that this man needs my help to overcome his disease. I've met a lot of wrestlers over the years that had the same disease that Brian Cady does and I did nothing while they suffered. Well that was the old K-Money and the new K-Money can't just sit idly by and watch as a XWF superstar wastes away right before his eyes. I intend on finding Brian Cady and curing him of his disease, I know that you can't cure Pussitus in one night but god damn it, I'M GONNA TRY!
Our scene opens as we see K-Money sitting in the driver’s seat of a green and black 2011 Chevrolet Camaro. We also see that Diego Valez is sitting in the passenger seat, and sitting in the back where he likes it is the bisexual bombshell J-Dub. K-Money looks impatient as he thumps the steering wheel with his fingers.
K-Money: Come on guys, this is serious, if you were pussy where would you be?
J-Dub: Club "".
K-Money: I swear if that’s a gay club I'm gonna punch you in the face.
J-Dub: Boy pussy is still pussy.
Diego: No, boy pussy is ass.
K-Money gets a confused look on his face.
K-Money: I didn't know that, wait a second, how did you know that?
Diego: Hello, I do share a house with this freakshow.
K-Money: Yes, a house that I bought and neither one of you bums pay rent for.
J-Dub: And we love you for it papi.
K-Money: Jermaine, do me a favor....
J-Dub: Sure papi.
K-Money: DON'T EVER CALL ME THAT AGAIN!
J-Dub: Homophobe
K-Money: Fudge packing rump ranger.
Diego: Hey wait a second, we might not pay rent but you make me do all kinds of repairs to you wrestling school, and you make me cut your grass and you don’t make J-Dub do crap.
J-Dub: I don’t do manual labor sweetie, my nails cost more than you’re entire wardrobe.
K-Money: Also I’d rather not have J-Dub running around in my wrestling school, if I wanted my students to get raped I’d send them to church. On top of that you’re a Mexican right?
Diego: So are you jackass!
K-Money: Yeah and I’m half black which means I smoke grass just as much as I cut it. Damn it, what the hell were we talking about before you two dumbasses hijacked the conversation?
Diego: We were trying to figure out where we could find Brian Cady.
K-Money: Ah yes, come on, if you were a giant blood filled vage, where would you be?
J-Dub: In Paul Cato's pants?
K-Money: CORRECT! +10,000 awesome points for J-Dub.
J-Dub: Mmm, the things I'd do to that manager of his though....
K-Money: And -10,000,000 awesome points for J-Dub, anygay, I mean anyway, that wasn't the answer I was looking for. Diego, you thought of anything yet?
Diego: The ginacologist?
K-Money: Uh I think you mean gynecologist but horrible pronunciation aside, BRILLIANT!
J-Dub: Wait so we’re going to go to a random gynecologists’ office and hope Brian Cady is there?
K-Money: Yeah, I see no flaws in that plan.
Diego: Me either.
J-Dub: This plan is so fucking hetro.
K-Money turns the key and stomps on the gas pedal. The engine roars and the tires squeel as the Camaro disappears into the distance.
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