Give Me My Belt

Opening Thoughts



I can honestly see why gambling is an addiction, you make a bet and get a rush of adrenaline as you think about all the things you can do with your winnings. If your lucky enough to actually when you'll get another huge rush of adrenaline as you realize that all of your dreams have come true. This is the point where some people would call it a day but now the stakes are higher, you just one a million dollars, if you let the bet ride you could win a million more with just one more roll of the dice. You figure "fuck it" I'll let it ride, a million dollars can change my life but two million can change it that much more. You pick the dice up and hold them in your hand shaking them back and forth, then you stop and have the lovely lady next to you blow on them for good luck. You throw the dice down on the table, come on seven, come on seven. The dice bank off the wall of the craps table, and one of them rolls to a stop, four. Now all you need is a three, come on.... come on.... The other die continues to roll on the table but it has slowed considerably, it lands on three.... no wait it rolls over once more and lands on one. Just like that a million dollars won and a million dollars lost, that pretty much sums up my recent time over in the XWF. I came back to be part of the PWE but then the XWF wavied a free title shot infront of my face so I rolled the dice and I won. I cashed my Cruiserweight title shot in and won the Cruiserweight title, once that happened I knew that the XWF was consuming too much of my time and was ready to quit. Thats when they waived a Heavyweight Title shot infront of my face, I rolled the dice again, it looked like a good bet but the dice just didn't roll my way. On top of that I spent so much time and energy on the Xmas Xtreme tournament I was in no condition to defend my Cruiserweight Title. So gambling on the chance to be World Heavyweight Champion again was a losing bet all the way around. The only good to come out of me losing my match with Keiran King and being to drained to defend my Cruiserweight Title is the fact that it gave me ten days to recharge my batteries and refocus on what is important. This Sunday at Clash Of Champions I have the opportunity to be apart of a match that is already being hyped up as the match of the year. Not only that, I could walk out of Clash Of Champions as PWE Gateway Champion or PWE Universal Champion in addition to my Vicious Title. Just like for the Xmas Xtreme tournament though, the stakes are high and I have to bet something in order to be able to win something. My bet, the PWE Vicious title. Looks like its time to roll those dice one more time.



Friday January 1st 2010 – 10:00am



I lay in bed motionless and snoring, yeah I snore, can’t be perfect in every way as much as people like to believe that I am. I’m practically comatose after training all night to make sure my skills are as sharp as my switchblade for Clash Of The Champions. Suddenly my peaceful slumber is interrupted by “ There they go, there they go, them D-Town boys carry them calicos. Whenever there’s war you got to know, them boys got toys that tear down the front door, Detroit make noise everywhere that we go”. Ahh, its my cell phone going off. I sit up in a zombie like state and look over at the alarm clock sitting on the nightstand it reads 10:00am. Are you fuckin kidding me? Who doesn’t known my rule? If isn’t at least 1:00pm then I don’t fuck with me. Seriously besides Mcgriddles what the fuck is worth getting up before 1:00pm? I grab my phone from beside the alarm clock and squint as I read its bright ass display, the name on the caller ID reads “Diego Velez”. I quickly press ignore, how dare that asshole call me, and at this time of the day on top of it. I’m the only reason that anybody in the wrestling industry knows who he is and he wants to turn his back on me? If that’s how he wants it, fine, he told me everything I need to know on Anarchy, no need for phone calls. I sit the cell phone back on the nightstand and lay back down in bed on my back. I stare up at the ceiling for a moment before my eyelids close and I drift back off into dreamland where images of K-Money as PWE Universal Champion play in my mind over and over. I smile comes across my face as I lay there back in my training induced coma.



Friday January 1st – 2:00pm



As I lay in a pool of my own drool, yeah I said pool of my own drool I hear footsteps and the hardwood floor creaking. You’ve never had one of those sleeps that is so amazing you feel that your laying in your own drool but you don’t care? No, well your missing out, the footsteps continue. I hear them enter through the doorway and walk around the bed. I know have the feeling that I’m being watched. SMACK!!! As I hear the loud smack I feel all of the air rush out of my lungs and wake up immediately to find that my oldest son has taken it upon himself to practice his frog splashes on me while I’m sleeping…again. I grab him under his right armpit with one hand and lift him high in the air.



K-Money: Can I help you Jr?



Kris Jr: Sabrina says time to get up



K-Money: Oh so she told you to jump all over me huh?



Kris Jr: No, she told me to wake you up, I decided to do it the fun way.



K-Money: I see….



As I still hold onto him with one hand I stand up and get out of bed. I then grab him with both hands a playfully slam him onto the bed. I then pretend to drop the big elbow on him and lay on top of him, he tries to squirm his way out but its no use. I slam my hand onto bed three times and stand up laughing at him as he sits up in frustration.



K-Money: Always remember your old man will always be able to give you a beat down.



Kris Jr: That wasn’t even fair, you just one because your fat.



K-Money: Fat? FAT? This all muscle, of you had a few you might have been able to kickout.



Kris Jr: Whatever



Still frustrated that his old man laid a yet another beat down on him, Kris Jr. makes his way out of the room and down the hallway of my Detroit mansion. As I follow him I the scent of pure deliciousness invades my nostrils, I smell bacon, I smell eggs, and I smell sausage. Kris Jr. walks through the kitchen and into the living room where he plops down on the couch in front of our Sharp Aquos 108 Inch LCD t.v. and starts flipping through the channels. As I walk into the kitchen I can see that Sabrina has gone all out today. She puts two plates full of food on the kitchen table, eggs and cheese, toast with strawberry jam, bacon, sausage, and a glass of orange juice.



K-Money: Damn baby, what’s the occasion?



Sabrina: I didn’t want toy flying out to Wyoming with an empty stomach, besides you need all the strength you can get for your big match tomorrow.



I lean in and give Sabrina the big kiss she deserves and smack her on the ass because that’s what I deserve. We then both sit down at the table, she sips on some coffee as she watches me wolf down the breakfast she lovingly prepared for me. All of a sudden the house phone rings and Sabrina gets up to answer it.



Sabrina: Hello, oh hey Diego, yeah he’s right here, hold on a second.



I bury my face in my palm for a moment then shoot Sabrina a look like “fuckin seriously?”. She in turn shoots a very innocent look my way.



Sabrina: What?



K-Money: Um hello, backstabbing cousin on the phone and you tell him I’m here?



Sabrina: Oh are you still on that?



K-Money: I got him a green card, which I still have



I pull the green card out and slam it down on the kitchen table.



K-Money: I also I bought him a house and got him into this industry and he stabs me in the back?



Sabrina looks down at the green card and then looks back up at me.



Sabrina: Does that say Tom Ali?



K-Money: What? You thought I got him a legit green card on such short notice?



Sabrina: Your bad, you should talk to him just for the fact that he’s here illegally because of you.



K-Money: Hey it’s the best fake you can get. Plus that doesn’t equal him stabbing me in the
back.



Sabrina: Oh Kris, come on. He didn’t stab you in the back; he just wanted to do things his way. He feels like he’s ready even though you don’t, if somebody told you that you weren’t ready for something when you thought you were you would probably say “fuck you” and do things your way right?



K-Money: QUIT IT!



Sabrina: Now what did I do?



K-Money: Why do you always have to be right?



I grab the phone from her and finally speak to Diego for the first time since Xmas Xtreme.



K-Money: Hello, yeah Diego I understand why you did what you did. You still should have let me negotiate; it’s not about the money? You seriously are not related to me, your talking crazy right now. I guess all I have to say right now is good luck, I’ll be watching you and checking in on you. I already bought that house for you to stay in when you’re not on the road so the next time your in town I’ll have to show it to you. You’re welcome man, peace.



I hang up the phone and almost as soon as I do the doorbell rings. I walk through the living room and open the front door. To my surprise it’s a cousin from my mother’s side of the family, Jermaine Washington.




K-Money: Jermaine?



Jermaine: Heeeeeey.



K-Money: Don’t do that.



Jermaine: That’s just me being me Kris I can’t control my flamboyancy.



K-Money: More like flameboyancy.



Jermaine: Oh no you didn’t, you know I’m not gay. I’m bisexual; sometimes I like some sausage and tuna.



K-Money: Okay, nasty, so why are you here again?



Jermaine: I’m here for my free house and my wrestling contract playboy.



K-Money: WHAT!?!?!



Jermaine: Oh come on, you hooked up your cousin Diego, why can’t I get a hook up?



K-Money: First of all he’s gonna pay me back, secondly he knows something about fighting at least, what are you gonna do smack people with your limp wrists?



Jermaine: No silly, your gonna teach me how to wrestle.



K-Money: HELL NO!



Jermaine: Oh so your Mexican family is worth your help but not your black family? Your such a racist.



K-Money: You know damn well that isn’t true, you just have no wrestling ability at all.



Jermaine: Exactly, that why you should train me. If you turn me into a real wrestler that can accomplish more than Diego, he’ll see that he fucked up.



K-Money: Well you do kind of have a point.



Son of a bitch, remember when I talked about the price of fame and how you couldn’t give anybody shit. THIS IS WHY! You give them an inch and they take a mile. I helped Diego and now I’m stuck with this flamer, great.



K-Money: Fine Jermaine but you know what!



I grab the camera so its focused on my face.



K-Money: NOBODY ELSE BETTER ASK ME FOR SHIT!!!



With that the cameras fade to black.



Closing Thoughts

Lets start with Tomoko Hanahara since she is the only one in this match that I even consider having the capability to challenge my absolute dominance of this match. What can I really say about Tomoko? She's earned here stripes; she’s been a Blood Hound affiliate for years. Cute at times, crazy at times, deadly all the time. Tomoko I know what your capable of and its impressive but earlier I said you had the capability to challenge my dominance in this match, I never said you had the capability to beat me. Any other scrub in this match I would put my money on you to dismantle easily but when it comes to me, that’s a whole different story. I mean you do remember the last time that we had to face off against each other right? Jon Brown had thrown just about every person in the XWF Cruiserweight Division at me and nobody could stop me. So he resorted to being a complete douche by giving you a shot at my XWF Cruiserweight Title even though we were stable mates. I told you before that match that I wasn't going to take it easy on you and I didn't. When you made the mistake of leaving yourself open for the Amityville Horror, I dropped you on your head without hesitation. I picked up the win and put you out of wrestling for months which essentially lead to the destruction of the Fugitives Of Sanity.



I guess old Jon Brown got the last laugh on that whole ordeal but at least he gave you another shot to prove you were as good or better than me. When you finally were able to make your return, you were running around with The Hired Gun and calling yourself The Hired Sword. So of course it was The Hired Gun & Sword Vs K-Money & T-Money, I'm not going to lie and say that The Blood Hounds dominated this match because we didn't. Just like you Tomoko, The Hired Gun has been a Blood Hound affiliate for years and even though he isn't quite on our level, he's damn close. Just like in our singles match Tomoko, damn close just didn't cut it and you once again suffered a loss at my hands. Sure Tomoko you could say that your losses at my hands happened years ago and I may not be as good as I once was which is probably true but I still managed to beat a good friend of yours within the last couple months. Diabolique suffered a loss at my hands and it shook her to the core to the point where she didn’t even have the guts to defend her title against me. If I can put the fear of god into somebody like her, I have no doubt in my mind that I can do the same thing to you.



Sure you dominated as the PWE Universal Champion for 196 days but what kind of competition were you going up against? R.W. Randolph? Masaharu Tanabashi? Excuse me while I bow down to your greatness, yeah, that would be sarcasm. I’ve already beaten Tanabashi and R.W. Randolph is such a fuckin joke I honestly have no idea how you lost to him in the first place. Tomoko I'm begging you, just bow out, I really don’t want to demolish your PWE career but I will and won’t think twice about it. If you are actually going to go all out for this match, then bribe Dylan Cage and Tsukino Meiou to keep me busy so you can deal with R.W. Randolph one on one because that is the only chance you have of winning this match. Don’t be too arrogant to take my advice Tomoko because if you disregard what I’m telling you and actually try to beat me on pure skill alone your going to be disappointed when I walk out of Clash Of The Champions with the PWE Universal Title. You’ll be even more disappointed when I SHATTER your record of 196 days holding the title because there isn’t ONE person in this federation I see as good enough to even have dreams about beating me. Maybe if I win the PWE Universal Title and hold it long enough C2 will come out of retirement and give me some competition because this shit, IS WAY TO FUCKIN EASY!



Next up is Tsukino Meiou, might as well get the Asians out of the way first. Don’t worry Meiou I don’t have any Asian jokes this time, besides nothing I say could be more of an Asian joke than you. I don’t have any jokes about your name either but can you really blame people for talking about your name? Your name DOES sound like a cat throwing up but I guess you can’t be blamed for your parent’s bad taste in names. However you can be blamed for being old as dirt and still thinking that you belong in a wrestling ring. Come on man, I’ve still got a couple years till I’m thirty and I feel as though I’ve lost a step. Meiou, your damn near forty so I know damn well that you aren’t even close to the man that you used to be. Even you have to realize that you aren’t the man you used to be, I mean you went all of 2009 without winning a title. I’m the number one advocate when it comes to thinking that titles don’t make the champion, the champion makes the title but damn a whole fuckin year without winning a title? Even I can’t defend that Meiou, I mean even if you had non-title wins over every person that held a title in 2009 it would still mean that you couldn’t get the job done when the stakes were high and the titles were on the line. If that was the case why would you have a chance in hell of winning this match Meiou? For the past year you haven’t had anything to lose and everything to win but you couldn’t get the job done. Well now Meiou the stakes are higher than they ever were before, THREE TITLES ARE ON THE LINE!



Your telling me that if you walk out of this match without a title around your waist that your going to fell like you didn’t lose anything? I beg to differ Meiou because if you lose this match you will have failed to get a yearlong monkey off your back and will kick off 2010 with a whimper instead of a roar. People will really start to question where your place is in the wrestling industry, could you possibly go two years without winning a title? Honestly that’s damn near impossible but with your arrogance and rotting corpse wrestling style you just might be able to pull it off. Seriously Meiou how can you even dare throw dirt on my name when I did in one month what you couldn’t do in an entire year, as a matter of fact Meiou I DID IT TWICE! Yeah Meiou I won the XWF Cruiserweight Title but I also won the PWE Vicious Title, in four matches I won two titles in two different feds. How many titles did you win again Meiou? Oh yeah, ZERO BITCH! The XWF Cruiserweight Title you are completely right about, the belt has become a joke since the first time I held it and when I won it I was trying to bring some credibility back to the division but one person doesn’t make a division. In the end all I really did in the XWF was end up padding stats with another title win. Here in PWE however, I did what none of you assholes could do for more than half of the year. Diabolique made all of you her bitches for 196 days, I beat her once then she ran away from her title defence against Tanabashi and myself. So essentially I was defending my Vicious Title against Tanabashi and guess what, I beat him with ease.



This is what I do Meiou, I WIN! If I’m active in a federation and I go a few months without winning a title I know that something is wrong. On top of that Meiou, HAWAIIWAN HARDHEAD WON A FUCKIN PWE TITLE THIS YEAR! I’m supposed to respect that? I’m supposed to fear that? I’m supposed to take you as a threat? Meiou, don’t make me laugh, of wait you already did with your “trash” talk and I use that term literally, that entire promo you cut belongs in the fuckin trash can. I mean I could probably not address anything you had to say to me and people would still be able to see how much of a fuckin joke you are these days. Come on Meiou is the Alzheimer’s acting up or something? The Kid Money name has been retired for years dumb ass which is why on the card it says K-Money. T-Money’s name is Tyrone so he goes by T-Money, my name is Kris so I go by K-Money. Is it really that hard to figure out? Well for people your age making it to the bathroom by yourself is an accomplishment so I guess we can cut you some slack. However the Kidd N Play reference, THATS JUST UNFORGIVEABLE! Talk about references that are dated as fuck, when were they popular? The late 80’s and early 90’s? Jesus Christ Meiou how about updating your pop culture references a little bit? You remind me of those musicians from back in the day who randomly pop up years after their prime and try so desperately to be relevant again. People like Mc Hammer, Flava Flav, Rev Run, the list goes on and on but the results of their comebacks are never good. They should all just remain retired, Meiou you just need to fuckin retire period.


Next up is the “Drama King” Dylan Cage, isn’t a “Drama Queen” a girl who makes a big deal out of little shit? So I guess you are the “Drama King” Cage because you’ve made a big deal out of yourself when your just a little shit. Sure you can get victories over people like Hawaiian Hardhead and even you even beat my cousin Diego Velez in the battle royal. Lets see, Hawaiian Hardhead will always be a joke no matter how much he improves, I don’t give a fuck if he wins the most improved joke award ten years straight, he’ll still be a fuckin joke. As for my cousin, the only way he could be greener is if he cut my fuckin grass then drove straight to the arena for a match. Yes, I just cracked a Mexican joke when I’m half Mexican, does it look like I give a fuck? WHEN I START SPEWING HATE NOBODY IS SAFE! Cage my expectations of what you were going to bring to this match were pretty damn low yet you still didn’t meet my expectations. Cage in your promo you acted as though you had a singles match with R.W. Randolph this week when in reality just about everybody in this match has a better chance of winning than you including Randolph. Don’t get me wrong Cage, I still think Randolph and Meiou are jokes but I’m pretty sure they would both beat the living hell out of you one on one.




Last but not least we have the PWE Universal Champion, R.W. Randolph. Randolph in your promo it seemed as though you pretty much have come to the conclusion that your time is up because when I watched that promo I didn’t see a confident man. No I saw a man looking back on history in order to play his little mind games but to me it looked as though he was trying to convince himself of how great he is as much as he was trying to convince everybody else. Randolph, I’M NOT BUYIN IT! To me you’re the same man I thought you were before your little promo, you’re a guy who lucked up and was in the right place at the right time. Come on, how many mutha fuckin PWE Universal Title shots did you have before you finally lucked up and won one? If Tomoko had been focused on winning you wouldn’t have even won that match because she is just plain better than you and I’m just plain better than her which makes me so much better than you its unbelievable. Randolph I would tell you that your promo belongs in the garbage but I already said that to Meiou and his trash talk was actually better than yours so I’m honestly at a loss for words as to what to say to you. I’m racking my brain here trying to come up with a metaphor for the level of garbage you’ve managed to attain with your last promo but I’m drawing a blank. But seriously do I even need to come up with a metaphor? How many ways can I possibly tell you that you suck? Half of that crap that was coming out of your mouth had absolutely nothing to do with this match and even less to do with me. I think out of everything you had to say about four sentences of it actually had something to do with me and those four sentences weren’t very impressive.



R.W. Randolph - K-Money is somehow hoping he can be a gangster. Or a thug, or whatever. In other words, he's living up to a negative African American stereotype promoted to him by the powers that be. If he thinks doing this is gonna give him an edge against me, he's out of his ever loving mind. I'm gonna take so much out of Money's ass, he's gonna feel like a god damned ATM.



Really R.W. that’s all you’ve got for me? You’re the champion and you can’t even be bothered to do the slightest bit of research on your challengers even when they are better than you could ever be? Wow, I feel sorry for the PWE for having to put you on the list of FORMER PWE Universal Champions. Listen up Randolph, I’m not trying to be anything, that’s just what I have been my whole life. You know, kind of like you’ve been a hick who looks like he has a dead squirrel glued to his face for most of your life. I will admit that I’m living up to a negative African American stereotype but you know what, when your from where I’m from you gotta do what you gotta do. I’ve been a Latin King my entire life and its not going to change anytime soon. However to say that some wrestling executives came to me and wanted me to act like a gangsta is the worst mistake you could ever make Randolph. ITS REAL OVER HERE NIGGA! You think your some kind of unkillable badass? I’ll answer that for you, no, you don’t. Me on the other hand, I DO! I’ve done things that would have left other people 6ft under but here I’m still going strong and still gunning for your title Randolph. I’ve lived the street life Randolph and I survived it by being the baddest mutha fucka on the streets and when we step into the ring at Clash Of The Champions, I’ll walk with your title by being the baddest mutha fucka in the cage. Enjoy your title while you can Randolph because in the PWE I’m the uncrowned king and I intended on seizing MY crown.